Once every three months or so I have a couple days where I want to just “quit everything”. By quitting everything I mean, all the extra-curricular things in which we are all involved, not the essentials. The stresses of practicing, nagging, driving, driving, driving, attending lessons, paying for lessons, trying to find time for it all, being a cheerful, encouraging mother who gives positive reinforcement when really I want to say something disparaging about Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star (I would perfectly satisfied if I never heard that song again), and just being consistent is the hardest thing of all for me. I am the one who can never finish an antibiotic because that requires being consistent for TEN WHOLE DAYS. Prenatal vitamins? I was actually relieved when my OB would tell me not to waste my time taking it because I would just throw it up anyway, at least then I wouldn’t have to feel guilty about every time I forgot.
I am the queen of doing things in spurts. It is General Conference time again and I know that I will feel the fire of the spirit of change and for a couple of days, ok, maybe a week I might actually make some changes but sooner or later I will go back to my same old self, plodding along (hopefully toward perfection). My house work follows the same pattern of devotion and disdain as does laundry, weeding, budgeting.
I so appreciate how encouraging my parents were in letting me try whatever I wanted to try. I played the flute for six months, the piano for two years (and never practiced a day of those two years), singing lessons for three months and played the harmonica on and off for a year. I took ice skating lessons, ballet, ski school, tennis lessons, played volleyball, softball, and basketball. I took art and ceramics lessons. I pursued mountain biking, rock climbing, mountaineering, rollerblading (including roller-hockey), and telemark skiing.
So what did all of this do for me? It showed me that the world is an exciting and interesting place. I have wonderful and exciting memories. I guess it made me fairly well- rounded. However, sometimes I wonder how I would be different if I had been made to stick to something and be consistent. Maybe I would be a better, more patient mother with my own children as they strive to develop their own talents. How could I ever possibly choose which part of me I would take out because I would adopt consistency instead? If all of my time had been spent practicing and excelling at say, the piano, that certainly would not have left time for me to enjoy all the other things I got to try and which became a part of me?
So my questions are:
1) How do I develop consistency and even celebrate it?
2) How do I survive these few days when I just want to “quit everything”?
3) Is our life better because of the things in which we are involved, all these extra-curricular activities?
I don’t have the answer to the first two but I have to believe that our life is better because of them. I am giving our children something that is theirs forever. I am giving them a sense of identity. I hope that our children’s talents will be a comfort to them in their teenage years and as adults. I am giving them an easier time when they are parents in the position of helping their own children practice. Another good thing is we have a lot of time to talk in the car. (It is true that some of the time I am stressed, or running late, or lecturing- but often we have meaningful connections).
On the other hand, wouldn’t life still be rewarding if we just laid in the grass and counted clouds? Wouldn’t I be giving our children an even greater gift if I taught them to be comfortable in being still? In meditating? Maybe even if we didn’t do all of these things it just isn’t in me to know how to be still. Maybe that is a skill best developed when our life is so frenetic. If we took all these things out of our life perhaps we would not fill them with peaceful, meaningful endeavors but in mindless activities like watching movies or playing video games.
In writing all this and in some of the reading and studying I have done I think I know the answer to the the first two questions. I think the way to develop consistency is to practice it. It may take me a whole lifetime but each time I am consistent maybe it gets easier? Maybe slow plodding progress toward perfection is good enough. This is not a race against anyone else, or even myself! I would never get to perfection either swiftly or slowly without my Savior anyway. (I feel like I am giving myself a pep talk!)
How do I celebrate the mundane, the schedules, the driving? How do I get through the days where I feel overwhelmed and worn out? I noticed as I pondered this question that the days when it all seems like too much are a culmination of a few weeks of lackadaisical attempts at scripture study, and a shortage of quiet, contemplative connecting with my Father in Heaven. Ironically this answer came to me in part during Lizzie’s cello lesson last night. Her teacher, Kayson Brown told her that playing in tune blesses her music in ways that she may never comprehend. It creates resonance and beauty that will fill her soul and her performances and then he likened that to being in tune with the spirit of God. He said that being in tune to the spirit blesses you in more than just giving one direction in choosing between right and wrong, it will fill her life with resonance and beauty. And I will add balance. It is essential for my sanity and well being that I take that quiet time each day.
So when do I do it? (There is that consistency problem again!) I can’t get up early and do it before the kids get up because I could never stay awake as we are already up at 6 am or earlier depending on the day. I guess I need to just not feel bad about putting on a movie for Anna and just do it as soon as the children go to school. Maybe I should do it before I dive in to my projects and before I turn on my computer, cause clearly my compulsory few verses before I drop off to sleep isn’t cutting it for my sanity and spiritual health!
Can I do hard things? Yes. I have the faith that I can (pep talk again), but not alone. Should we be doing these hard things? And are we doing them for the right reasons? I think yes. But I will reserve the right to always re-evaluate. Maybe my three month cycle of wanting to “quit everything” is actually a safeguard against life imbalance. And now I will quit this post because I need my sleep or I will definitely NOT be balanced tomorrow!
3) Is our life better because of the things in which we are involved, all these extra-curricular activities?
I don’t have the answer to the first two but I have to believe that our life is better because of them. I am giving our children something that is theirs forever. I am giving them a sense of identity. I hope that our children’s talents will be a comfort to them in their teenage years and as adults. I am giving them an easier time when they are parents in the position of helping their own children practice. Another good thing is we have a lot of time to talk in the car. (It is true that some of the time I am stressed, or running late, or lecturing- but often we have meaningful connections).
On the other hand, wouldn’t life still be rewarding if we just laid in the grass and counted clouds? Wouldn’t I be giving our children an even greater gift if I taught them to be comfortable in being still? In meditating? Maybe even if we didn’t do all of these things it just isn’t in me to know how to be still. Maybe that is a skill best developed when our life is so frenetic. If we took all these things out of our life perhaps we would not fill them with peaceful, meaningful endeavors but in mindless activities like watching movies or playing video games.
In writing all this and in some of the reading and studying I have done I think I know the answer to the the first two questions. I think the way to develop consistency is to practice it. It may take me a whole lifetime but each time I am consistent maybe it gets easier? Maybe slow plodding progress toward perfection is good enough. This is not a race against anyone else, or even myself! I would never get to perfection either swiftly or slowly without my Savior anyway. (I feel like I am giving myself a pep talk!)
How do I celebrate the mundane, the schedules, the driving? How do I get through the days where I feel overwhelmed and worn out? I noticed as I pondered this question that the days when it all seems like too much are a culmination of a few weeks of lackadaisical attempts at scripture study, and a shortage of quiet, contemplative connecting with my Father in Heaven. Ironically this answer came to me in part during Lizzie’s cello lesson last night. Her teacher, Kayson Brown told her that playing in tune blesses her music in ways that she may never comprehend. It creates resonance and beauty that will fill her soul and her performances and then he likened that to being in tune with the spirit of God. He said that being in tune to the spirit blesses you in more than just giving one direction in choosing between right and wrong, it will fill her life with resonance and beauty. And I will add balance. It is essential for my sanity and well being that I take that quiet time each day.
So when do I do it? (There is that consistency problem again!) I can’t get up early and do it before the kids get up because I could never stay awake as we are already up at 6 am or earlier depending on the day. I guess I need to just not feel bad about putting on a movie for Anna and just do it as soon as the children go to school. Maybe I should do it before I dive in to my projects and before I turn on my computer, cause clearly my compulsory few verses before I drop off to sleep isn’t cutting it for my sanity and spiritual health!
Can I do hard things? Yes. I have the faith that I can (pep talk again), but not alone. Should we be doing these hard things? And are we doing them for the right reasons? I think yes. But I will reserve the right to always re-evaluate. Maybe my three month cycle of wanting to “quit everything” is actually a safeguard against life imbalance. And now I will quit this post because I need my sleep or I will definitely NOT be balanced tomorrow!
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